The Not So Polite Side Of Suburbia and Soccer Parents

Today is a good day in that I haven't experienced any inpolite or rude people. Everyday I usually do. The worst days are when I take my sons to their soccer games. The obscenities and lack of team etiquette from some of the parents is astounding. For example, I may be quietly sitting in the sidelines, occassionally cheering on as I watch my sons play. Shouting out encouraging words like "go baby! go!" or "Come on baby you can do it!"...but when I hear other parents and what they yell at their kids, smoke just wants to blow out of my ears.

In one instance our team's parents were sitting just watching the game. We were all trying to encourage our boys since we were losing the game at that point. Well, the parents from the other team were behind talking all kinds of things about our sons! They were saying how they were not calling anything on our team and about how one player was not running at all. It was pathetic. I know that we can get really impassioned about our kids and even a little downright obnoxious, but talking about the other team's kids especially when the parents are within earshot is not ok.

Then the other team's parents start yelling at the referee because he is making bad calls. Mind you, the referee is actually not calling on their kids who are elbowing, tripping, and just plain pushing our kids and in plain sight! During that game two of our kids resulted getting injured. While I know it's part of the game, it is not ok for the parents to even encourage this behavior, which they did. I guess in this dog-eat-dog world parents are teaching their children that it's ok to push, shove, and bully their way through success. It's a shame that we can't value hard work, politeness, humbleness, and just plain respect for others anymore.

My Run In With Catty Women At Zumba Class

The stereotype is there, the woman that stops at nothing to further her agenda and hurt everyone in her path, whether at work, school, the PTA, the gym, and yes, even church. But is this really a stereotype and what is driving this increased cattiness?

Women in this era have been encouraged to be the catty bitches that they are. With popular shows like the Housewives of New Jersey, The Bachelor, and Bad Girls Club gloryfing cattiness, it's no wonder that many women feel like they are entitled to be this way. I believe that cattiness is fed even more by the competitiveness a female feels that another woman is invading her "space". Certainly cattiness in the workplace is another epidemic which requires a book for itself.

Let me give you the latest example of my encounter with a catty woman...Yesterday I was really pumped up to go to my evening Zumba class. I was dressed in all my spandex glory and my hubby had decided to be my partner that night. We stood in the long line to wait to get in the auditorium and proceeded to take our spots. Well, we had towels and water bottles in our hands so we needed to put those down so we could start our routine. So we both took turns to hold our spot. When it was my turn to drop off my things, there was some one already there that took my spot. Mind you, I only took less than a minute and my husband told me that he had told this woman to move. Well, the nasty old lady (being nice here) was so utterly rude and claimed that this was HER spot. Interesting thing though is that my husband flat out told her that she hadn't been listening that he was holding my spot. To make a long story short, the lady was so offended and nearly threatened to get "aggressive" with me. WOW.

And this is not the first time that I have encountered nastiness in Zumba. There have been several females at the 24 hour Fitness where I frequent that are so adamant that the dance floor or Zumba floor is theirs. They feel like they own the joint. You know the entitlement thing? Before moving to the Tri-Valley this behavior was foreign to me at the gym. I mean we're going to Zumba for God's sake! We're supposed to be happy, party-minded people right?

As women I think we really do an injustice to each other to keep exhibiting this type of behavior. We are thought of the nicer, gentler sex (again stereotypically speaking) but it seems like more and more competitiveness and nastiness abounds between women. If we all would support each other we could certainly move mountains. If we all supported each other Hillary Clinton would probably have beat Barack Obama for the presidency. Unfortunately with the advent of reality TV and the bad economic conditions, cattiness and competitiveness among women will probably accelerate.

What experiences can you share?

Armed Robbery, Petty Theft, Home Burglary On The Rise In The Great Recession

Is it me or does it seem like every time you turn on the news or read the paper whether offline or online, that there is always a report on robbery, home invasion burglaries, auto theft, scams and frauds? Over the last 3 years it seems like these crimes that affect hard working Americans are plaguing more and more neighborhoods today.

Living in the suburbs doesn't make you immune to this crime either. If you visit your local Patch.com, there is a Crime Blotter section that lists these crimes on a weekly basis. When you review this section you will note the alarming incidences of robberies at gun point, home invasions, auto thefts, home break ins. The list goes on. This type of crime is not only alarming but results in violence and in many cases murder.

A product of the Great Recession has been that police departments have seen lay offs. Police are understaffed and are not able to respond to these emergencies as swiftly as possible. If you are like me, my main concern is to keep my family safe and enabling my children to live a happy, care-free life is paramount. This type of activity raises anxiety levels in our communities and we as citizens have to roll up our sleeves and take action and become vigilant. I am not proposing that we are vigilantes and fighting crime ourselves, but nowadays police departments have services which you can send anonymous text tips directly to them. This will enable us to empower ourselves and protect ourselves further from criminals. I believe that Neighborhood Crime Watch groups are also a great way to prevent crime and we should have these types of programs in place in our neighborhoods. What other solutions do you think can be implemented so we can be more proactive in crime fighting?

Living A Sheltered Life In The Suburbs

I have not grown up in the suburbs and am relieved to claim this. If I had grown up in the suburbs I would be a radically different person than I am today. Since living in this beautiful shiny suburb I have realized how incredibly naive, shallow, elitist and hypocritical people in the suburbs can be.

The naive and shallow part is actually what gets to me the most. I was having an innocent conversation with an older aunt who lives in the posher areas of the Tri-Valley. This aunt is what you call "comfortably priviledged", living in her beautiful McMansion with her 3 car garage, pool, weekly trips to Nordstroms...you get it.

Anyways, this aunt was telling me how "horrified" she was when she visited the city with a friend one of these weekends. She was actually in the nearby outskirts of San Francisco shopping at IKEA around 6 PM and said she felt like she was going to get mugged any minute. I was trying hard not to smirk at her but it became evident that disagreeing with her assessment of the area would probably garner an eye-roll or look of disdain from her.

The area where IKEA is located is Emeryville, a metropolitan city that has fine dining, shopping and a very diverse population in terms of economics and race. The fact that she was scared to get mugged in this area depicts how most of the "priviledged" trophy desperate house wives feel here.

Another example of this shallowness and hypocritical behavior was given to me by a native New Yorker who by her own definition is a "city girl whose seen it all". She was telling me that many a times she has had friends who have been shunned by the PTA Mom Cliques in their children's schools. These moms have offered to help with PTA activities on numerous occasions but these elitist moms have shunned these moms simply because they have not been part of the "in" crowd. I think it is rather sad when behaviors like this prevent people from even wanting to attempt to help their child's school. I for one actually stay way from the PTA even if I am a member of it. I understand that for the most part there are well meaning parents who want to improve schools, but if it means that I will run up against the elite PTA "in" Mom's group, then I just run for the hills.

This is not to say that for the most part people in the suburbs are nice, decent, law-abiding citizens that are a by-product of where they live.

I guess my point is that people that live here in their own little suburb world do not have the exposure to so many things that are part of the world such as people of color, the poor, the disabled, the homosexual, the eccentric I could go on...

Suburban cops, don't they have anything better to do?

Tweet As my introductory post states, I live in a very affluent, beautiful, and safe suburb in the San Francisco Bay Area, Tri-Valley. For the most part we are not afflicted with much of the more serious crime that areas such as San Francisco, Oakland, and San Jose are. Of course, the level of education and the income levels have a lot to do with this. This is a very positive aspect of living here. On the other hand, the negative aspect of living in such a relatively safe place is that cops don't know what the hell to do with themselves! So what better person to pick on than the ordinary law-abiding citizens of this town. Since I have moved here, I have seen at least 5 people that have been traffic stopped by cops. And I haven't been living here for more than a month, so that is a lot of cops stopping drivers. What's worse is that citizens of this town feel like they have to walk around in eggshells or should I say drive around in eggshells. It's crazy but it's true. My husband who has not been stopped by a traffic cop since he was in his teens, came to San Ramon to be stopped by one. He was very nervous when he was stopped because he was going 10 miles over the speed limit. The cop was nice enough to let him go, but now that we have witnessed a lot of speed traps in this city, we don't dare go 5 over the speed limit. So what is the solution to not getting caught speeding in the Tri-Valley? Well, the number one solution of course is to drive the speed limit. For some this is easier than for others. As for me, well, I drive a smaller sedan so this is not a problem. I am not a speed freak anyways. There are also some fabulous apps that you can download which actually warn you of impending law enforcement. A couple that I know off the top of my head are Trapster and Cop Radar. And best of all they are free to download. I am sure there are other useful apps that can help to pinpoint where the local smokies are hiding but until then my best advice is to drive at the speed limit. Easier said than done.

Welcome to Suburbia

I am a new resident of San Ramon, but not your typical suburbanite.  You see, I don't fit the typical mold of what a San Ramon resident looks like.  For starters, I am not White.  According to the 2010, US Census the racial makeup of San Ramon is 38,639 (53.6%) White, 2,043 (2.8%) African American, 205 (0.3%) Native American, 25,713 (35.6%) Asian, 156 (0.2%) Pacific Islander, 1,536 (2.1%) from other races, and 3,856 (5.3%) from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 6,250 persons (8.7%).  Seems pretty diverse enough doesn't it?  It appears so but in reality, when you frequent businesses here, it appears that the majority is White, the "large" minority is South Asian (or Indian as I prefer not to call it), then the rest is either Black or Hispanic.  When you look at folks that are the latter, it appears that they are mostly employed in businesses that are native to San Ramon.  And as far as the entire tri-valley demographics, well, they are pretty much the same with neighboring cities such as Danville and Dublin having similar racial make ups.  But the reason that I am calling myself a "misfit", is not only because I am not White.  It is because I am also short, overweight, and well, just not your typical tri-valley, all-american blonde skinny Barbie. 

I moved to San Ramon with an open mind and because my husband relocated here due to a new position.  The area is beautiful, clean, has good schools, and seems friendly and tolerant (but only on the surface).  I have never felt so out of place in a city than I do here.  Perhaps I am sensitive to the whole race thing, but I feel a pervasive tension towards minorities in this city, that I cannot pinpoint.  San Ramon is not as bad but whenever I go to Danville, things go up a notch.  Danville which is the neighboring city, is filled with rich, prentensious, indignant, and intolerant people that happen to be majority White.  I have frequented businesses in both San Ramon and Danville and have felt more looked down upon in businesses in Danville than in San Ramon. However, the tension is still there. 

Since I just moved, it makes me feel less than welcome and I hope that the feeling quickly goes away.  I am just curious if I am the only minority in this area that feels uncomfortable living here.  You would think that the Bay Area is a diverse mix of highly educated, tolerant, and utopian citizens but unfortunately this is less so in the Tri-Valley. 

In this blog I will chronicle my day-to-day encounters with living in this strange town feeling like a fish out of water.  It is not meant to offend or criticize any one group or race, it is just a way to record my observations and garner feedback on these observations.